You have some changes you’d like to
see in your spouse and your marriage, right? And if I were a betting man,
I'd guess your spouse has some ideas too!
So what are you waiting for? Are
you waiting for your spouse to make the first move? Are you waiting to feel
love?
Most people think that the FEELING
of love comes BEFORE we express love—and in the beginning of a
relationship, that's what happens. You fall in love and THEN you do acts of
love. Your feelings inspire your actions.
But mature love asks more of you.
To create a strong LASTING marriage, you first CHOOSE LOVING ACTIONS. Your
feelings will follow.
After all, you don't jog two miles
or skip dessert because you feel healthy. You feel healthy because you
jogged two miles and skipped dessert. So too, when it comes to your
marriage, YOUR ACTIONS CREATE YOUR FEELINGS!
Once upon a time, when you fell in
love, it was easy to give to your spouse, and you probably enjoyed thinking
up new ways to express how you felt through your giving. Remember
surprising your spouse with something you knew they wanted? Remember the
thoughtful trinket you got?
WITHIN THE NEXT 48 HOURS, give your
spouse a gift. Now here's the key. It can't be just any gift. Your spouse
has to feel YOU in it. You see, the most important part of a present is
that it embodies the presence of the one who gave it to you. This is not a
matter of money. This takes time, thought, and energy.
What gift would tickle the soul of
your spouse? What could you buy or make for your spouse that would show how
much of YOU went into the gift? Don't just buy anything. Make sure it's
your spouse's favourite colour, made in their hometown, or something they
mentioned last week.
Stick with this for a minute. This
takes some deep thought, but I guarantee that if you make a habit of this
kind of giving it will begin to fix your marriage.
What could you give your spouse
that would make them glow and look at you with intense appreciation? Did
they recently mention they wanted something? What's your spouse’s favourite
dessert? Favourite flower? Favourite spot for a romantic retreat? Favourite
sports team (tickets to a game)? Favourite author (new book)? Favourite
musician (CD or tickets)?
A counsellor spent 10 minutes in a private
session with a man exploring what one gift would “light up” his wife. They
figured it out and, in retrospect; he believes that giving that gift
shifted the momentum began to fix his marriage.
Inside your spouse is a child that
wants to be understood. If your spouse is like most people, he/she does NOT
feel understood…even by you. When you get the right gift for your spouse,
they will feel UNDERSTOOD, and connected to you, the giver. When you give
someone a gift that says, “I know you, I understand you,” you can “melt”
them.
It's easy to buy a gift. But the
right gift, given at the right time and in the right way—that's an art.
“Money can't buy you love.” “It's the thought that counts.”
In the words of Ralph Waldo
Emerson, “The only gift is a portion of thyself.”
Enjoy the gift of
giving. It'll give YOU love.
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